Alright, I feel left out – but arguably justified in saying that those people raving about Inception have GOT to stop. Don’t they know that they’re perpetuating one of the largest online negative externalities since Justin Bieber got an official Youtube account? At most making homogeneous “WOW BEST MOVIE EVER I WAS SO MINDRAPEDZORS IMMA HAVE BAD DREAMS TONITE <3<3 :$” status updates gives them a vague sense of possessing some sort of inalienable coolness that comes with watching a movie that everyone else watched; in return my movie experience (if indeed I watch it) has already been irreversibly ruined. I no longer have the satisfaction of critiquing a movie with any modicum of independence, nor can I wish for a totally unique movie experience, since my opinions have been prescribed to me way in advance.
Case One: Inception is awesome
Matthew, staggering out of the theatre: Wow! That was… the most awesome movie I’ve ever watched in my life! The characterisation was superb and I really identified with the main character –
Random dude behind me #1: YAR MAN DIS IS DE 37TH TIME IM WATCHNG IT N DE PART WHERE DE ALIENS CUM IN RLY SPOKE 2 MY SOUL… DIS WAS ALMOST AS GUD AS ECLIPSE WICH RLY MADE ME WEEP… BELLA IS SO HOT
Random #2: Wow yeah! Despite the fact that I haven’t watched a movie since 1993, I shall infer that this is the best movie ever made, and in fact, the minute I go home I’m going to put off my wanking routine just to alert my Facebook friends to the fact that I’ve watched Inception and that my movie experience was identical to everyone else’s!
Random #3: EVERYONE HERE! PARTY AT MY HOUSE! WE’RE GONNA MAKE LOVE TO INCEPTION POSTERS AND ACTION FIGURINES ALL NIGHT
Case Two: Inception was not that awesome
Matthew, staggering out of the theatre: Okay, it was still a pretty decent flick but quite honestly I was disappointed by the –
Random #1: R U KIDDING ME IT WAS SUCHA GD MOVIE IT WAS A DESPERATE TAIL OF LUV N DESPERASHUN N I RLY WEPT AT DE TOUCHING SCENE WHERE JACOB TOUCHED BELLA SO TENDURLY N SED HE LUVED HER… o wait wrong muvie
Random #2: Are you disagreeing with 86% of Rottentomatoes critics???? I shall proceed to cite more statistics based on ostensibly reliable sources to conceal the fact that I have no opinion of my own!
Random #3: Oh, so you’re one of those people who don’t like the movie eh? I’m guessing you’re one of those pro-choice bastards??? Hey guys, Mr “Abortion” here thinks it’s okay to air his views here, but we know better –
Random #4: Hold on a moment, Inception isn’t about abortion you philistine. Surely you couldn’t have missed the thinly-veiled references to the Holocaust?
Random #3: wtf? Come on, do you read your Bible? You probably don’t know about the Immaculate Inception but I know all about it –
Several hours later…
Matthew: The struggle is finished. I have won the victory over myself. I love Inception.
(How to identify you are a douchebag: Before you read this, you felt like leaving a comment saying that there are no aliens in Inception.)