I haven’t felt close to God in about a month now. or more. you don’t exactly note these dates and times but somehow you feel these things – not even overspiritualising here. like a sort of haunting weightlessness and lack of direction. Animal Farm criticises the church for being a false ideal spurring blind fools on to a non-existent heaven but it is true that being a Christian imbues you with this sense of unshakeable spiritual resolve, for better or for worse. and i could stomach all the minor setbacks of the past but being Godless somehow exacerbates everything to the point of intolerance, makes you hypersensitive to exactly the things in the world that annoy you (at the expense of spiritual sensitivity). how can I lead a cell when I’m in desperate need of cell-ing myself??