I haven’t posted here in a while. I must say it’s really harder than it looks to compose a decently engaging post of any length. What with Bowling Buddies and schoolwork (in that order).
Right now I am slightly lagging in schoolwork and slightly messed up in the head, but I am happy. That is more than many people can say for themselves, and it seems to be a crime of sorts to feel happy these days. The world (and MSN contact lists) is rife with emo nicknames and taglines, replete with faux-poetry.
It scares me just a little that people deem me as heartless, and/or immature to the point of insensitivity. I am neither, but there is perhaps no mistake in branding me thus. It is a lifestyle choice, and for now, my chosen public face.
Sometimes I fear I’ve become desensitised. I guess the same things used to affect me once, until I realised that it just wasn’t worth wasting whole teenage years pining away. I figure there’d be enough bitterness when I grow up, I hardly need it to consume my life right now.
Once upon a time infatuations, BGRs, that kind of thing – they used to consume my life. Now they are sensibly segmented and shelved away, as easily deactivated as activated. They are diversions at best, something to keep me thinking during insipid lectures/tutorials when fantasizing about price theory just wouldn’t have as satisfactory an effect. It is, I believe, the ideal JC lifestyle, refreshingly noncommittal and laidback, easily severed (like a conspicuous sixth finger).
Call me over-deliberate, pretentious, but I am not heartless. I feel, but I think that’s really all there should be to it.