there, I said it

My life is in limbo, I want to get my spiritual life sorted out but there’s never “enough time”. I push it to the back of my head but I know that there’s really nothing else at the front. I’m just escaping, because it takes so much just to follow Christ wholeheartedly, so much. I want to live like a heathen and not know if there is life after death –

but yes, for God’s sake, there IS life after death and there is a God who loves and who disciplines. Everything is real and nothing is real. There’s an extra set of standards for me and I’m not quite sure how to account for it. And I’m not even upholding it to the best of my ability. Forget about evangelising, I can’t even seem to keep friends without seething inwardly at their utter incompetence to maintain the relationship in a way perfectly agreeable with me.

So yes, I am a Christian and I am having difficulties. There is no shame in admitting this. We have peaks and we have troughs and this is a trough built upon a trough built upon a trough. I am getting nothing right – many more misses than hits, and even the hits are actually borderline misses, when you step closer to examine. I never was good at archery – never tried, either.


3 thoughts on “there, I said it

  1. Dear it’s Mooty,

    I so honor and appreciate your faith and understand you completely. Thank you very much for sharing your struggles. If you don’t mind, I would like to indulge you a bit by sharing a few words from my own experience. Warning: They are radical, but then, so was Jesus, for he knew who he was and courageously lived it. The question he presented to us is, do we know who we are? So here goes:

    Life is quite a ride and God knows I’ve analyzed it all to death. It is humbling to then suddenly discover that the analyzing was guaranteeing more of the same because I am the creator and where I place my focus becomes solid. Now as much as I am aware I focus on being loving and compassionate, even when, and especially when, aspects of me pop up that are far less than compassionate. They just want my love. In fact, these aspects exist because I believed in them. I believed I was them. Now I know better. I am. The aspects leap with excitement when they feel the presence of the I am because they too want to be cuddled, loved, embraced. Giving that to them brings them home to the heart. They really have no need to act out after that. They’re still there, but they feel understood so they don’t rise up in rebellion, throwing me out of the I am, like I used to allow them to when I thought they were me. So, BE the love that you are and the world becomes love. Identification with anything else and that becomes your world. We have the choice every moment of our existence to experience whatever we want. That’s the most powerful secret that few have known but it’s the truth. Jesus know it and taught it but it fell on deaf ears. The gift of human life is equivalent to the Genie in the Bottle. Your wish is its command. And the wish is where we place our focus. We are Source, nothing less. Thank you for allowing me to share myself here on your blog. If none of these words resonate with you, the beauty of life is that you can destroy them. Again, you have total freedom. Oh and lastly, let go of the God disciplines stuff. It’ll keep you on a suffering leash. Life is not about suffering. It’s about living with joy. There is only love, unless you choose otherwise. All the best to you.

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