In school and amongst friends, I am Matthew Chan.
At work, I am actually the Bubble Wrap Annihilator Ninja. I creep into the storeroom on the pretext of checking stock, but I get the stepladder and tiptoe up to the enormous industrial-size roll of bubble wrap and I pop the little bubbles till they burst, making high-pitched screams – the last sounds they ever made! Phweeeeap! (<– artist’s impression) Phweeeeap! Phweeeeap! Phweeeeap! ad nauseam…
And I walk out to inspect my cups, and no one asks me why I spent a few minutes in the storeroom and returned with nothing. Not that I don’t already have a model answer.