twibite

Voting for the omy.sg Youth awards have concluded! I feel pity for the future of Singapore’s blogosphere. 80% of the nominees were like:

Hey [photo] guys<3! Im bak frm [photo] perth trip s u mae hv [photo] noticd frm de photos XD [photo] my bf blah blah blah n den we blah blah blah n [photo] suddenyl………. my bf proposd 2 me! lolololol [photo] here is the cake [photo] here is the ring [photo] here is me [photo] here is him [photo] here is us 2geta [photo] here is us 2geta… WIF OUR TONGUES STICKNG OUT XD [photo] here is him pretendng 2 kiss mi [photo] here is him really kissing mi XD [photo]

…except worse. Aside from Beverly‘s I found this blog a cut above the rest.

Having been coerced to read Twilight I find it dreadfully chick-littish. How could it ever compare to Harry Potter? I didn’t even think of Harry Potter spoofs until, you know, on RETROSPECT, but as I read through Twilight (that is, the first book of the similarly-named series) I could think of ways to parody it like in EVERY CHAPTER. Some books obviously stem from the female writer’s unfulfilled desires, and why anyone would want to be shagged by a vampire is anybody’s guess, but… yeah.

The last book comes out today. BEFORE HAVING HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I SHALL GUESS THE ENDING. I haven’t even finished reading the first book, but y’know, it’s chick lit. Anyone can guess the endings. Basically the series is about Bella, this plain ordinary girl obviously meant to resemble the author for her to literarily fulfill said desires, and Edward, this vampire guy who’s perfect in every way, except sometimes he gets tendencies to want to sink his teeth into his girlfriend. Um, DON’T WE ALL.

1) Edward eats Bella and marries her mother. They live happily ever after.

2) Edward eats Bella and marries his mother. They live happily ever after.

3) Bella discovers that Edward is her brother and kills herself and Edward turns her into a vampire and that makes things slightly better, so they get married and live happily ever after.

4) Edward discovers that Bella is in fact his mom, so he pokes out his eyes while Bella hangs herself. His daughter marries her son, and they live happily ever after.

5) Edward and Bella are about to get married when suddenly Bella’s childhood sweetheart dashes into the chapel (or whatever vampires worship in) and says, “Bella, I love you even though you’re getting married, and I just want you to know that even though I’m inferior to Edward in every way, I’m just going to stand here in the distant hope that you’ll run away from your marriage and join me in my cattle ranch in Nevada.” Bella runs away from her marriage and joins her childhood sweetheart in his cattle ranch in Nevada. She gets eaten by a stray cow. Her childhood sweetheart marries Edward. They live happily ever after.

Vote on your favourite ending NOW. The winning voter wins a signed copy of my blog!

…oh wait.

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6 thoughts on “twibite

  1. Number 5 is so… brokeback mountain scandalous-ey. But since it reminds me of heath ledger, I’ll vote for it.

    (Besides, the others aren’t as original anymore! They’re so channel 8! Make Bella turn into an ugly gargoyle or something. Meh!)

  2. Evidently, you don’t read enough bad literature.

    Stephanie Meyer’s ending pwns all yours.

    Annnd you’re back.Hello!

  3. Hmm. I vote 4. Because the rest seem unrealistic.

    For 1 and 2, vampires don’t eat people. They just SUCK THEM DRY. =[

    For 3, I don’t think a dead person can be turned into a vampire. Vampire does not equal zombie!

    For 5, too cliche!

  4. Nicole: I KNOW RIGHT, NUMBER FIVE PWNZXZXZX.

    Beverly: …touché. It’s like, Twilight’s the worst fanfic of itself, if you get what I’m saying (especially since I don’t). (and yes, I came back ages ago. You’re the only one so far who hasn’t ribbed me at all for this! Woohoo!)

    Zhi Ming: Re: number 3, you don’t seem to have read Twilight. MEYER’S FANTASY KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

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