more fart jokes, uncle billy! more fart jokes!

I can almost smell the holidays. I’m on my knees, every ounce of me wishing to kick off those heavy, thick, heat-absorbent jeans. The sun is beating down. I lost my shirt somewhere before this, but my body feels baked from the hip down – but I smell water. I never knew water had a smell, but it does, and I know what it smells like. It smells of not-sand. It smells faint, as if it’d evaporate as the sun inches closer to the earth. I can taste it on my lips, trickling into my mouth and filling the void that saliva couldn’t fill.

Whatever, man. Holidays are coming. I HAVE NO TIME FOR BEING METAPHORIC AND POETIC.

I just want some sleep. During the holidays I’ll do stuff like sleeping at 10, reading the newspaper in great detail, going down and kicking the ball around, and generally much more going out to the streets and giving them free hugs, before turning away and muttering, “I’ve got to leave for the airport now, my love. It’s over.”

It’s just so nice trifling with people’s emotions.

Also, there was some sort of a briefing/talk for the parents today, and I had the sense to invite mine over. I waited for them in school as they talked to my form teacher, having a sneaking suspicion that I was being badmouthed then, just a few tens of metres away. I waited for my parents at the car, half-expecting them to march over, scowling at me and throwing a letter of . Life’s hard for us people of murky conscience.

Instead, everything proceeded as usual. Apparently Ms Kek found it hard to say anything (good or bad) about me, other than the fact that I was occasionally ‘restless’. My parents totally don’t buy that. But anyway, YAY! I survived one parent-teacher meeting!

The only thing I have to worry about is my testimonial at the end of the year.

“Matthew is a restless boy.”

Awesome. My prospective job employers will probably think I’m some simian-like guy with a strange habit of scratching my back and stealing other people’s recess and pouring lab chemicals on it, just to check for effervescence.


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