I can walk, so can you!

I was trying to crack lame jokes today. The good thing about trying to make lame jokes is that you NEVER fail.

This joke is good.

A: Where can you find the most Filipinos on a Sunday afternoon?
B: Lucky Plaza?
A: The Phillipines!


Zaki: What do woodlouses eat?
Me: Uh, what?
Zaki: Wood! *chuckles for five minutes at own joke*

I felt I could do better.

Me: Oh my gosh, I have one! What do termites eat?
Zaki: …wood?
Zaki: Uh, okay…
Me: Heh, what do FINGERS eat?
Zaki: Finger food! Hahaha!
Me: Yeah! What do CUPBOARDS eat?
Zaki: Cupboard-food!
Me: WRONG! Cupboards don’t eat! Ahahaha! I tricked you!
Zaki: What?! But… fingers don’t eat as well!
Me: Oh, uh… aw, shut up. You’re just sore.

I was humbled after Lit lesson.

Junyong: Matthew, have you heard about the joke? You get someone to say “mouse house mouse house”…
Me: Uh, okay, mouse house mouse house, then?
Junyong: What is a cat scared of?
Me: Uh, mouse. Wait, CRAP!

This is the RI community. We go around with five-syllabic vocabularies and ostentatious accordion files in tow, but deep down, we have the maturity of a very slow baboon (except that most of us are toilet trained).

Me: How many limbs does a table have?
Jon: Four?
Me: HAHAHA!!!!! YOU FORGOT THE HEAD!!!!! *points to tabletop*
Jon: …a head isn’t a limb.

Aye. We masters of lame jokes, we have our pitfalls too.

R’s favourite word is ‘Freudian’, because Freud sees sex in everything. Freud also thinks little children have a tendency to want to screw their parents, which means that you shouldn’t be using the word “Freudian” everywhere.

“That’s So Freudian!” could be this warped, twisted version of “That’s So Raven!”, anyhow. Little children in giant banana suits will walk around the set, flagellating themselves with springy frankfurters.

I don’t even know what “That’s So Raven!”‘s about, but it could work.

Me: R, what’re you buying?
R: Chicken hor fun.
Me: Oh my gosh! “That’s so Freudian!”
R: How so?
Me: You know what ‘chicken’ means, right?
R: Yeah.
Me: And you know what’s ‘hor’?
R: Yeah! Okay, what about ‘fun’?
Me: Why else would you go to a whore?

That conversation actually happened. And these.

Me: *puts bag on empty S-11 seat*
R: Matthew, we shouldn’t take up too many seats, just put your bag with mine –
Me: Gosh, R! We’re RI boys, we get two seats each, remember?

Me: Junyong, chifan! Jarrell, chifan! R, chifan!
Jarrell: Junyong, chifan! R, chifan! Matthew, jiasai!
Me: *mimes eating R*

Jarrell: You know, I really think R will remain a virgin his whole life.
Me: You never know. That’s what beer’s for.


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