scaramouche, scaramouche! care to plead the fifth amendment?

I reached Orchard MRT six minutes late from getting a long-sleeved shirt for Friday, which means that I only had to wait five minutes for Stacy. (is it being late if you’re actually early? If a tree is felled and no one hears, should we care? Nah, I think not.) She wanted to get CDs, and I tour-guided her around, from the Rustic And Only Slightly-Commercialised Tanglin Mall [ten minutes from my home] to the Fully Sexed Up HMV Heeren In Which No One Hears God, which is of course slightly better. I cleared one of my Christmas presents there!

…And met Shanzhi and Theodore while thumbing through the oldies (Stacy was somewhere around being kidnapped by the shelves). Apparently Theodore had met thirteen RI people around Orchard that day. Alright. Held off their kidnap attempt, and they left eventually.

Woke up at like 6am a pale state of dead-ish.

But my job (which varied from usher to odd-job boy to slacker-at-Rich’s-form-collection-table-and-victim-to-his-constant-queries) was pretty cool.

But omg the parents of the new Rafflesians were so rude. One of my jobs at the start of the day was to hold the door to the hall open, greet every parent with a smile and a “Good morning, please take a seat at the front”. And like 70% of the parents did not acknowledge my existence, merely opting for craning their necks into the hall and sizing up other parents, as if that those parents were advantaged by virtue of being earlier. Gosh! Just because you have a kid in Raffles doesn’t mean you’re great or anything! We had to wake up at 6am to do varied tasks like open the door to the hall and pretend to be enthusiastic about your snooty children, and the least you could do is to smile or nod in my general direction, right? My parents are totally cool in that respect, I guess.

Pierce my ear

Rich’s table
Rich: Hey look! That’s the Japanese father with the cool accent! Yay! Japs are cool!
Matthew: Rich! How could you! The Japanese killed our forefathers!
Rich: Now wait. Do you think it is right to carry the, hmm, yoke of our forefathers? *repeats the question in slightly different intonation*
Matthew: Gosh, Rich. I was just being random, now quit being all philosophical on me.

PE sales room
Andrew Tam: ARGH!!! Matthew! You broke your voice!
Matthew: Yeah.
Andrew: Ewww! Can you, like, speak in a falsetto from now on?

Aaron Tiong: So these concepts will form an umbrella –
PSLs: Ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh! –
Aaron: Guys, please –
PSLs: Ella, ella, ella..
Matthew: Gosh! We’re such assholes!

Rich: Matthew, can you explain to me the difference between ‘implode’ and ‘explode’?
Matthew: Okay, you see right? ‘Implode’ is like ‘BOOM!’ And ‘explode’ is like this – *wriggles hand* – like sperm liddat. So you see, when the sperm explodes into the –

Man, my classmates get me so high.

Pimp my hair

I can’t remember what I must have been thinking when Theodore took this, but at 8 am, a nice guess would be “I need coffee.”

I am slacking at the vending machine, taking photos of myself. Thinker, leader, pioneer!

RICH IN AN UNGLAM MOMENT = awesome. In the LT, he was subconsciously picking at his face while Jarrell snapped away with my camera. It even looks like someone was doing this to him, but all of this is perfectly Rich-wrought.

I got Rich to camwhore me. Which doesn’t really make sense, and sort of suggests that Rich is a campimp and I’m just an innocent camvirgin. Whoo!

Theodore took the photo that looks as if I have bad hair but is actually someone else standing behind me because he was jealous no one was taking photos of him.

Went home at 4pm, had instant noodles and a little bit of TV, and fell asleep on the sofa by 6pm, waking up at 8. Gosh.

But, you know, I guess today isn’t all about the camwhoring and the fooling around. Being in a blazer emblazoned me with courage and grit, and I looked at the world a different person, and a better person for what I’ve done –

Haha. Tricked you.


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