I am pretty, oh so pretty

It shouldn’t be too hard to do a High School Musical parody/fanfic.

When I say something like that, it most probably means I’ve already done one.

Read, and weep.


High School Musical 10 – The Novelisation
In Which Everyone Becomes Antagonists Except Troy And Gabriella

Chapter One
Chad Gets Majorly Pissed, Which Sets The Tone For The Rest Of The Fanfic – Uh, Movie

“Go, Troy! Lead us to victory!” yelled Chad as they blitzed down the court. It was the all-important CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (what’s new?), and there were seven seconds left on the clock, which usually meant that the protagonist’s team was one point behind, which they were.

“Huh? Why me?” replied Troy Bolton.

“Well, I can’t do it. I’m not good looking, and I’m black.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Chad grabbed the ball and did some fancy dribbling, teasing his marker. He did a feint and wriggled under the legs of his marker, before passing to Troy.

“HOORAY! GO ZAC – uh, I mean, GO TROY!” yelled a few girls on the sidelines, as if on cue, as Troy received the pass. He was wide open! The chance was his.

He shot.

(Somewhere a few storeys up, two men in black sat in a small dingy control room, operating a panel of joysticks and buttons while monitoring the game. The man on the left, who was monitoring the game on a dusty LCD, yelled, “Oh, damnit! He shot! Move the hoop five metres to the left! FIVE METRES LEFT!” and the man on the right operated a joystick deftly, complying.)

And he scored.

“HOORAY! GO TROY!” yelled said girls, as Troy put a hand through his head, sending a shower of dandruff down in a three-metre radius – but nobody cared, as the referee blew for time. The Wildcats had won the championship – again! “TROY HAS WON THE GAME FOR US! WHOO!”

On the bench, Chad was willing himself to be happy – but all he felt was resentment, anger, rage, and… uh, resentment. It was HIS Crouching Jamaican, Wriggling Snake move that had set up Troy’s simple jump shot, but nobody had given a hoot about him. Everybody praised Troy, the captain, the star player, the coach’s son, but nobody cared about him. Chad walked away from the bench – and no one yelled after him, complimenting him or anything. It was as if he was just some random extra.

“Hey! Random Extra!” yelled some film crew from the bench. “Come back here and touch-up your face! We’re going on air to sing the first song! You’re part of the four-men team who’ll lift up Troy in triumph and goodwill at the end of the song.”

“Oh… goddamnit! I’m not singing this song!” And that was it – Chad was officially Pissed. “You guys all just think I’m a random extra, right? You don’t need me to do the dance routine, or slam dunks! All you need is Troy Bolton and his lovely blonde ASS!”

The Wildcats stared at him in bewilderment. “Wait a minute… Troy has ass HAIR??” hollered a random nameless extra. Chad sighed. This team was useless. “Adios, star player,” he spat at Troy, before striding off.

“Hold on!” Troy yelled after him. Here it was, thought Chad triumphantly, the APOLOGY that would warm his heart and make him walk back to join the team.

“Chad, we’re a team, and you’re the only guy around here who knows the breakdance-and-slam-dunk routine! Without you, how can we sing “Everyone Has An Equal Part To Play (ft. Troy Bolton and etcetera)”?”

At the sound of the name of the song, Chad seethed, staring daggers at Troy before walking off. “Spare me, Zac Efron. Your fangirls are waiting.” he muttered over his shoulder.

“Huh? Who’s Zac Efron?” Troy wondered aloud.

In the next episode, Chad will join forces with a highly mysterious blonde whose name starts with “S”!

And ends with “harpay”. WHO WILL IT BE? Stay tuned.

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