stiff outlook on things

Strictly hypothetical situation that may or may not have happened (all similarities to real-life events are strictly coincidental)

Someone was caught surfing porn in the school library.

Which is no big deal, really. I mean, compared to the more fundamental offences, like copying your classmate’s maths assignment (gasp!) or talking loudly in class while the maths teacher is trying to be heard (gasp!!), surfing porn is nothing, and I feel that the librarians shouldn’t get all anal-retentive and hard up about it.

I just mentioned this because I was quite amazed at the choice of venue for such illicit activity.

The school library, especially during DMP weeks, is always crowded with people at any point in time, and any of these people may be a hook-nosed librarian. Or only slightly better: a student librarian.

(Honestly, I’ve always wondered why people joined Library Club – or whatever they call it. You learn almost nothing in there, and are merely a form of slave labour, the kind that returns books to their original positions and mans the laptop renting counter. I have to assume that Library has very slack timeslots.)

Anyway, even if you somehow managed to bypass authority, surfing porn with impunity in the library, chances are that you won’t be able to surf MUCH porn, if your laptop has “RAFFLES INSTITUTION” written on it. These special edition notebooks are designed to run at 1% of the speed of a normal notebook. You’d be faster trying to draw your own porn on a notebook (with a ballpoint pen) than trying to wait for a picture to load on the RI laptops.

I could totally imagine that.

Porn Surfer: “Hey, the video is loading! OMG IT’S ZAC EFRON TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES! Wait… it’s buffering… *10 minutes later* Yay! It’s loaded! Now for the fun part! Wait… the frames are skipping! Argh! How come Zac Efron has his clothes back on again already! BAH! HOW THE HELL CAN YOU WATCH PORN IN PEACE WITH THESE STUPID COMPUTERS!”

Whole library stares at PS.

PS: Uh… I didn’t say that. I meant… corn! Yeah. Watching corn dance around on, um, their feet.

Jokes aside. Surfing porn in a library is exceedingly dangerous, and you have like a 69% chance of getting caught by librarians. So, don’t! Surf porn in the comfort of your house, and you’ll avoid all those nervous, hairy moments of getting caught!

And I really have got to brush up on my sexual innuendo the next time I blog about something like this.


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