mein campf

The past few days have been jawdroppingly revolutionary. I’ve misplaced my priorities (somewhere on the floor, along with the spectacles, the cable remote and the crushed egos of former foes) and found them, only to lose them yet again in a mad flurry of 2D MMORPGing. I can only hope it wasn’t Maplestory, but I fear that it was. Ah well, I was young and foolish.

But I think all we JC students need a priority check. I’m sick and tired of guys around me walking around moping about girls, thinking girls to be the be-all-and-end-all panacea to their general failure in life. What we need to learn is that girls aren’t everything in life!

It seems though that getting 200 CIP hours is indeed everything in life, and as luck would have it, they are also arguably more attainable than the average girl (depending on who you ask). I’m just 195 hours away – so all I have to do is organise random overnight camps. As we all know, CIP is all about elevating the community to approach your level of affluence and material comfort, or discomforting yourself to the extent of the community (by depriving yourself of, say, cable TV, since African kids don’t watch cable TV. What pretentious assholes.), so what camps lack in acts of service and goodwill to the community, they more than make up for in self-mutilation, mental BDSM (don’t even ask) and sleep deprivation. I’ve come up with some rough ideas for possible camps for 2010, so if you’re interested in organising any with me, feel free to give me a ring.

1. “How People Survived In The 90s“ Camp – For boys 12-16. Gameboy Colors are dispensed to camp participants, who have to survive seven days on just two meals a day and Pokemon Yellow. Parental advice advised for those interested in participating. Red Cross members stationed in every room.

2. Racial Harmony Camp – All ages. Participants are grouped into small snug OGs such that there’s a nice mix of races in every OG. On the first day the OG sits in a circle and teaches one another how to say Hello and Thank You in their native tongue. On the second day OGs run around playing station games which are cleverly fixed so that the strengths of each race are demonstrated. Tentative station games are: “Pin the Qi Pao on the Petite and Pretty Chinese Lady”, “Speed Ketupat Sewing”, and “Shoplifting”. Racist jokes are prohibited during the camp, and any participant found guilty of this offence will be expelled at once.

3. Emo Camp – Participants turn up to a campfire, where they share about their regrets and disappointments about the camp.

4. Camp Camp – Guys only. Participants frolick around the campfire energetically, moaning about how the ends of their hair are frazzling up because of the heat.

5. Befriend A GEPper For Three Days Camp – Non GEPpers only. Every participant will be assigned a GEPper buddy, accompanying him around the campsite to help him through different station games that serve to push his faculties to their fullest potential, such as Kick The Ball At Least Two Feet In A Decidedly Forward Direction and Boiling A Jug Of Water And Carrying It Ten Meters Without Spilling It All Over Your T-Shirt And Groin In A Highly Embarrassing Manner. Points will be awarded based on the GEPpers performance in these station games. On the final night, the GEPper with the lowest score will be tied to the campfire stake and simultaneously stoned and burned. His buddy wins an iPhone.