a still berth

ISLE’s cancelled. I walked into the session (which could be the last) 40 minutes late today, giving an apologetic smile that stopped working a few months ago. Someone let out an ironic chuckle. The teachers were explaining something about the school management’s immutable stand and from then it didn’t take me much to grasp the context. The people around me looked unbearably retrospective – always a bad sign.

“You missed the emo session at LT2,” exulted Edward. “The teachers were crying and hugging one another, and then there was a one minute of silence thing!”

After the teachers left a few ISLEmates tried getting a discussion going. We could do local service learning, for kids, for old people. Sports carnival. Apartment clean-up. Needs analysis.

*

ISLE hasn’t been very intensive, because of swine flu – but I know that I’ll be worse off because it’s cancelled. I remember a few months back, 7-10 of us sitting in a row trying to impress interviewers in our own unassuming way. I hate group interviews because I’m non-confrontational by nature, so I was rather surprised I made it in. In the interview I said certain stuff which I can’t remember now, but I probably don’t think all of them were entirely truthful. Wouldn’t have gotten in otherwise.

I find that with service learning experiences such as these, I only value them at the end. Never at the start. I could even go on to say that everyone else who purports to love these journeys from the start isn’t being entirely honest with himself – because at the crux of it life-changing events are almost always serendipitous, and I was really looking forward to chancing upon a gem of an experience in Cambodia. You know what I mean?

But in any case now we’re an abortion (which was the aptest analogy I could think of, all the unborn friendships and experiences flushed away for ever, faceless and fetal), so I wouldn’t know either way. I don’t even have room to be disappointed, because I didn’t put in anything into this thing. Now isn’t that the worst feeling?

list of comfort foods (26/7)

1. A bottle of Yakult
2. Milo cereal, with a bowl of milk
3. $1 muah chee
4. $1.10 tau huey from the aunty who sits around and doesn’t look interested in selling her tau huey

mariaaaaaaa, ave maria~

On religion:

Patrick: Oh! I used to go to that church too.
Penny: [pregnant pause] What happened?
Patrick: I moved house.

coo coo kachoo

Playing a very rude Shoot Shag Marry where choosing people who are present is permitted:

Wei Te chooses to shag Weixiang TWICE IN A ROW. Third time:

Weixiang: SHOOT ME PLEASE

–

Ministry Revises Popular Game
Correspondent: Mootimus Chang

SIN – In one of the most massive steps taken by the government since introducing electric toaster imports and, uh, the tax reforms of 1959, the Ministry is on a mission to correct a massively popular children’s game, Shoot Shag Marry.

When interviewed, an extremely important and high-ranking official Rumpel Stiltskin (not his real name) justified this project. “Shoot Shag Marry projects all the ideals we don’t want to see in the students of tomorrow. We don’t want our children to think that shooting someone, for example, is perfectly justified, or that fornication is a perfectly normal and encouraged life function. Marriage is also a weighty life decision and we don’t feel that children should be discussing such significant issues at their present age, using brusque sweeping indicators such as “prettiness” or “sense of humour”. Our children have to grow to understand that marriage, sex and homicide are not matters one can bandy about over a childish game.”

The Ministry intend to rename the game Fondly Hug, Play UNO With, Ask Out For A Movie.

“Our new edition of the game will allow our children to consider and weigh the consequences of their decisions, making an informed decision by considering the strengths and weaknesses of their friends.

“For example, my son Bob decided that he’d rather play UNO with Clarissa, who’s really good at UNO and who has a big house with a nice mother who bakes cookies. He’d choose to ask Simone out for a movie because she’s outgoing and has a discount card for the cinema. Lastly, he’d Fondly Hug Griselda, who is plus-sized and cushy. Playing this game allows my son to make real life choices – choices that he may have to face in his adult life. He is evaluating the traits of his male and female friends and drawing reasonable conclusions as to their ideal roles in his life. Who needs to shoot anyone now, when you could choose to play UNO with him?” Mr Stiltskin concluded with a smug grin.

Reception to this new Ministry initiative has not been optimistic, with 97% of those polled deciding that they’d shoot the Ministry in the balls.

for make benefit

You learn something new from everything.

From reading the Bible (am at Numbers 7 now, and plodding on strong), I learn that God was quite an unfair bloke and he ostracised blind people or people with physical defects and he claimed the firstborns of all the Israelites and he smote anyone who did anything wrong and he had a strange penchant for burnt oxen/sheep and an inexplicable fixation with circumcision. This is severely constrasting his current PR image: Fluffy and Benevolent. (I like this one better)

From going to the gym I see that real men are trained, not born. It’s very interesting, I look around and see men with rippling biceps scrunching up their faces in a tight helpless moan amidst a difficult rep and they notice me and their faces shift abruptly to the side and change suddenly to a stolid, masculine one. Happened more than once. No condemnation, bros — we’re all self-conscious people here. Moan on.

From stalking people (and their photos) on Facebook I see that the most important person aren’t any of the ones in the photo, but the one outside it. Who is the person who appears only once every ten or so pictures? He/she is the photographer and it’s really interesting, isn’t it, he/she’s a part of the outing as well and maybe sometimes you don’t notice them but they’re very much there, and sometimes their there-ness is comforting in a very understated manner.

Am I talking sense?

conversation is a dying art

laura says: (10:43:14 PM)
but god’s good he takes us away when we’ve completed everything he intended for us
matthew says: (10:43:23 PM)
yeah that’s true
matthew says: (10:43:26 PM)
except for babies :(
laura says: (10:43:31 PM)
):
matthew says: (10:43:39 PM)
what do you think happens to babies?
matthew says: (10:43:44 PM)
do they go to heaven?
matthew says: (10:43:51 PM)
then they wouldn’t have anything to talk about
matthew says: (10:44:07 PM)
like “oh I built a church” “I saved 58459 souls”
matthew says: (10:44:20 PM)
then the baby would be like “um I just sorta rolled on my back and stopped breathing”

exodus!

The second half was bloody boring but I figure I’m over the (metaphorical) hump after I’m done with Deuteronomy

Watched the Unbelievably Exciting And Romantic HARRY POTTER MOVIE yesterday, with Laura (the journey to whom was highly fraught with difficulty and expensive taxi ride) – and I liked it. No unforgettable scenes but then again I’ve learnt to dispel that from my expectations (if any), and if anything a hazy recollection of the events in the book was rather helpful, builds up anticipation for the epic scenes and I suppressed a yelp but it was a close call.

(Also, it wuz so romantik larz i wept when ron kised levendar bron hes such an s-hole to hermone wtf????!!?!?! the coarse of tru lov nvr did run smooth (i lernt that from a book impessiv rght))

Oh crap I just dropped a grape on my Z key, my multitasking skill level has hit a new low

to-do

I haven’t finished my nine-chapter quota for the last two days and I’m falling behind, I’m feeling busier than ever and the worst part is that it’s not an achey kind of busyness, it’s soft and enjoyable and lulling so I’m almost accepting it but meanwhile my spiritual life is derailing faster than I can say “gtfo satan”, which is rather fast and hardly pleasant in any case.

It’s Council crunch time and ISLE is restarting and the idyllic effects of swine flu are beginning to ebb away and eventually the flu victims will recover and come back to school and there’ll be weeping and gnashing of teeth and everything will be back to Work As Usual and the pressure cooker of school and friends and keeping fit and reading my Bible and keeping up with current affairs and trying to top the class for math will ASPLODE in my face and

render me hunched in a little unconscious heap

the naughtiest girl in the world

We have a new math teacher and it’s three lessons in – it’s been rather eventful so far, by all measures. On the first lesson he told me I looked weird in the class photo matrix thingum and on the second lesson he put me on the spot for about twenty minutes to explain concepts I didn’t have an inkling about.

Today was lesson #3 and he walked up to me while I was minding my own business (ie. trying to make sense of my History notes) -

Cher: That doesn’t look like maths. Did you do your tutorial?
Me: uh not rly, I only did till question 4
Cher (scans an important-looking clipboard): Matthew ah… your maths is weak.
Me (prideful, wounded): huh? no, it’s not.
Cher: It’s not? Then are you lazy?
Me: …huh?
Cher: You’re not stupid, right? Are you stupid or lazy, choose one!

…and here I was thinking I could have the honour of defining myself, at my own time and place. Silly me.

I’m too cool for punctuation

The self-help market is in great demand these days, and today I’ll be rolling out one of the many self-help ideas that I have. Why’s it called self-help when you’re being told what to do?

How to wish someone happy birthday on Facebook:

1. Use an affectionate nickname

2. and/or highly contrived relation to your self

3. Make an affectionately snide ageist comment

4. In passing, casually remark about the one/last experience you had with him/her that lasted more than five minutes

5. Pretend it changed your bloody life

6. Emoticons.

Example:

hi tim-tim! :D HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!1 xD lol u old oready ah, can watch m18 liao, naughty boy ;D primary3 classmates ftw :DD i had a damn gr8 time with u at the movie, i tink it was harry potter n de sorceror’s stone, siala daniel redcliff puberty alr sial ;)