It’s too late for a verbally diarrheic post tonight.
(it’s hard to be someone who’s so fussy with his words)
Archive for April, 2009
Today is Make Fun Someone’s Potentially Awkward Facebook Status Message With The Intention Of Making A Point Day (you may or may not have heard of it, they celebrate it all the time in South Zambia), so I shall indulge!
Omg, it’s Ova Man! Ova Man traverses rooftops at night, delivering ova to random women so they don’t bleed, while singing and tapping his feet to the beat of The Merry Ovum Song (which goes something like this: “Ovuu-uum! Ovuu-uum! *sound of elephant blowing nose* Let me ho-old your ha-aaaaand! Ovuu-uum, let us dance round the firepla-aaaace!”)!
Though apparently Ova Man has a sore throat so he’s not delivering ova anymore. If your life (and/or ovum) has been touched by Ova Man before, please send him your thanks.
My parents are off to Bintan for the weekend.
Mom: You sure you don’t want to stay at [so-and-so's house]?
Me: …yeah, I’ll survive.
YAY ANARCHY!!!!
Pool party at my house, tomorrow evening! We can sip Ribena and gyrate violently to my High School Musical CD, and pretend that my coffee table is a pool!
29 points for NAPFA :D I’m not even going to attempt modesty here because it’s pretty damn awesome. First Gold in like a million years! Hooray for training and self-determination!
In other news Low Jia Yan is my latest triplet, because she looks like Stella and Stella looks like me. Whoo for long lost relatives!
I like blogging about trivial stuff, though you’d be surprised how much deliberation goes into making each blogpost uniquely flippant and unconcerned.
Pizzat – 愛されたいと願い / 愛する事恐れた says: (10:33:26 PM)
haha
Pizzat – 愛されたいと願い / 愛する事恐れた says: (10:33:26 PM)
i just realised
Pizzat – 愛されたいと願い / 愛する事恐れた says: (10:33:43 PM)
this would be a good time to actually wear my very underworn cca issue shirts
matthew says: (10:33:57 PM)
you underwear them?
I amuse myself because no one else is as good
Published April 22, 2009 uncategorized Leave a CommentTomorrow being my highly awaited 5 Stations day, it really makes me wonder what the degenerate youths of tomorrow will be doing, say, in a couple of millenia later.
Space Shuttle Run
Students tuck in their shirts, run around in circles and make “pew pew” noises while appearing to execute navigating movements with their hands. Time stops when they perform a safe landing in a circle in the centre marked with green chalk, looking left and right and muttering “The coast is clear! Out!”
Sit and Bitch
Facing the PE teacher, back to the wall, students have 30 seconds to bitch about their lives, making sure to fulfill at least three of the following five criteria: “School Life”, “Family”, “Ex-Boy/Girlfriends”, “The Ten Loves Of My Life From The Time I Was Seven”, and “Toasters, Aircon, Porn And Related Useful Human Inventions”.
Shit Up
Students get a toilet bowl and a set package containing fruits, laxatives and assorted endoscopic tools. They have two hours.
Shit Down
For girls, and boys under the age of 15. Basically the same as Shit Up, except that a myriad of classmates and teachers will be at the side giving psychological support in the form of squelching noises.
I like my life. I really have high hopes for ISLE, the talk today was well-informed and pretty deviated from the Service-Learning contrived bullshit of the past. And Council Orientation was pretty awesome. I’m still not very good at Making Fast Friends With Random Strangers, because that’s just not what I do.
(and in that respect I’ll never be a pimp, because pimps seem to pull out conversation topics from their asses and assorted other orifices, like ‘How’s The Weather’ and ‘Wow That Pencil Case Matches Your Socks’. Whereas I stutter and manage incoherent answers when spoken to, resorting to grunts and nods every few seconds. If you wanna be my fwen you may take the initative. I would wink shyly and we could go to some deserted classroom or handicapped toilet, and, y’know, write poetry or whatever you do best.)
I saw two people attempting to eat each other’s faces on the escalator at the MRT station today, before realising that, no, it wasn’t a pagan oil-osmosis ritual, but two people with oily faces trying to make out. What is the world coming to??? If you don’t know how to do it, there’s always Youtube! (or Youku for the >10 minute videos)
Strange, I distinctly remembered I went to bed at 3:46pm, and it’s now… 3:46.
Oh man, great sleep. Sleep was one of the things in abject scarcity during Council Camp, along with food, bathing time and dignity – but it’s one of those things you look back on with a vague warm fond feeling. After my half-day catnap, it’s hard to believe that something so impossibly horrific could have happened at all, except for a few striking clues:
1) I Haven’t Touched My Homework (though I’m not too sure if Council Camp’s the real reason for that, as opposed to sloth-related key personality disorders)
2) The Bottom Of My Palm Is Raw And Red (Like Salmon Sashimi)
3) I Have Strange Unexplainable Aches In My Calves
4) I Squeal Instinctively Whenever I Hear A Whistle
5) I Have The Freaking Council Oath Drilled Into My Head (partly because it preceded the awesome finale)
My grand-buddy Ali (at lunch): “I remember I got the word ‘Raffles’ and I would shout it really loudly! What was your word?”
Me: “Uh… ‘both’.” (which was an exaggeration, I think I got ‘of’ much more)
I shan’t bore you with details. If I had a friend who went to Council Camp, I wouldn’t want to be briefed about his mosquito bites or state of his sleeping bag (replete with illicitly taken photographs). Instead, I would want him to sleep the rest of his weekend away because he deserves it and because he’s been a great friend.
I foresee much shit coming my way but I shall take it in my stride and let out manly grunts!
Tomorrow will mark the end of two intriguing weeks but men don’t live on intrigue alone. Self-consciousness was something I’d banished to a very small box of nostalgia till recently, and it’s not a very welcome trait. Who needs a sense of shame? Who needs to feel abjectly inferior?
Not me. Maybe inferiority is part and parcel of life, but I’ll be looking to unlearn shame once again – maybe it’ll give me the liberation self-censorship never did. Plus, everyone secretly wants to dance like a monkey.
REACTIONZ