do we have a showcase?

I’ve been thinking about Showcase Portfolio.

Okay. Every single Sec 4 in RI is forced to reflect on their four years in the Raffles Programme and come up with a portfolio and oral presentation of sorts presenting their finest points and l33t metacognitive skillz. I don’t have many fine points, but I do like metacognition and introspection in general. After school today I just spent my journeying time thinking up possible frameworks for my portfolio. It was pretty fun.

YES, I haven’t done much for/in Raffles, which may prove to be my undoing, but quite clearly the point of Showcase Portfolio is to dwell not on what you haven’t done in RI, but what you have. I want to make this portfolio something I can be proud of, especially if I get high English marks as a BONUS. (then I can include THIS assignment in my next Showcase Portfolio, whenever that may be, et cetera. And thus the cycle of metacognition goes on. Damn, I’m good.)

I must say this year has been rather fruitful, as apathetically-spent RI years go. Now onward, to contemplation and reflection!

be there or be square

There isn’t quite as dangerous a power as the power to escape.

To escape is to place limits on ourselves, to set a non-confrontationalist precedent for future encounters. Sometimes it’s just so easy to want to escape, so tempting to escape whenever you get the chance. I guess that first time it is a thrill. Afterwards it just becomes a routine, and later still it morphs into a compulsion to escape. You become a SLAVE to your ability, because sooner or later your sheer backlog of inexperience of dealing with similar events is just going to catch up with you and then not escaping will become a non-option.

I have no idea how it got to this stage. It started out as an occasional thing, but now we see it happening every other day. You’ve escaped yourself into a hole and you can’t come out. You’ve become nothing more than a shell, even to yourself.

And it is a bitch to mean nothing to yourself.

Someday you’re going to regret the days you stayed home.

BIT’H.

After yesterday’s matinee I was so demoralised.

Bayley was really, really good. Maybe it’s because they followed emo plays, but gosh the script was superb (like when I first read it, except they’d since edited and improved on it), and what’s more the comic moments were so successfully milked. For an inexperienced cast (all newbies!) they were brilliant, really, all of them. In spite of myself I couldn’t help clapping at their curtain call. They were crude and daring and controversial, but they won over the audience fair and square.

I compared it to ours. I didn’t even fully understand ours.

–

Dramafeste 2008

Best Director – Jonlian (Hullett)
Best Script – Bayley
Best Acting Ensemble – Hullett
Most Promising Young Actor – Uday (Hullett)
Most Promising Actor – Shanzhi (Moor)
Best Actor – Greg Antono (Hullett)
Best Play – Hullett & Bayley

Oh my goodness, joint-winners for the first time in goodness knows when. I think it really summed up well in the other prizes – Bayley had the better script and we had better actors, though Bayley’s direction is not to be discredited, because theirs was good as well. I won’t deny I was disappointed because it was always going to be down to Bayley and Hullett, and joint-winners didn’t really cut it for me. I want to know who WAS better (and it probably could have been Hullett) but the closure won’t be there.

My first and last Dramafeste in RI, maybe I wish I could have joined it earlier, but maybe this is enough. I have learnt a lot about myself. I act better in comical situations, because that’s just the way it is. I probably wouldn’t have been out of place in a Bayley-esque play. As No One I was pretty much lacklustre, so it was the fairytale stories that I did slightly better in. I have much to learn as an individual actor if I want to bring it to the next level – good, yes, but just not good enough! – but I just loved the Hullett team. Cast, crew. Working with such brilliant people one just feels compelled to give his best, and today I gave two performances I can be proud of, because our ensemble was tight and we had good individual acting from everyone, which was only what the script required.

In the evening show I was just so calm. Thanks for all who prayed. It was peace. I sat backstage for ten minutes before the performance and just stoned; it was therapeutic. For all the performances I’ve been in I’m still nervy before them, so thank God for the lack of nerves tonight.

I’d always thought I wouldn’t get post-production blues after this. I was wrong. SHIT.

THANKS FOR ALL THOSE WHO CAME. You know I love you all, right?

Okay I’ve run out of emotional stuff to say. So shit you, good night if you’re reading this in the early morning because no one can be as crazy as me, and study for the differentiation test on Monday. POST-DF EUPHORIA IS NO REASON FOR FAIL MATH. AND I HAVEN’T EVEN COMPLETELY TAKEN OFF THE MAKEUP.

Oh man, differentiation. Winners of five out of seven prizes and we still have to do differentiation. WAY TO SAP HOUSE SPIRIT, MATH.

feste-ive

A few weeks ago there were only two relatively enormous projects to worry about, but now there’re looming tests, soon-to-be-overdue assignments and the palpable scent of impending projects, ON TOP OF Dramafeste.

It’s been a long journey, though I’d have liked more, because we can definitely be more prepared and the show’s on Saturday and I’ll be praying in the wings every chance I can that nothing screws up, that we can be an ensemble we can be proud of, that the crew will get every cue right because THEY DESERVE IT FOR THE TIME AND EFFORT. It’s not all about winning. The prizes at stake definitely add a bit of spice to the whole thing, with secrecy and subterfuge the name(s) of the game – yet the prizes shouldn’t be the only concern. I’ve been in drama for the fun, the relative unbridled freedom, the inside jokes unique to each production; it’s the main reason why I’ve been coming back for more. As productions go I honestly think Dramafeste 08 hasn’t been as memorable as I would have liked it to be. Maybe if we had more time, maybe if we had more preparation, more rehearsals… But maybe the sting will come on Saturday night, after we’ve won or lost and are leaving for home. Maybe I’d be trying to congratulate myself for having more free time now, before realising that the words just can’t come.

I’m leaving the school soon, yet I just keep trying new things. I haven’t done much in the school, but ultimately it is the things I HAVE done that will leave behind memories. A few Facebook photos or a handwritten thank-you note.

To the 2P’06 people who have been involved in Hullett Dramafeste in one way or other, you are awesome. I never, ever thought we had it in us. Maybe Hullett still doesn’t mean anything to us, but it’s heartening to know that 2P does.

Okay, this is where I come up with a joke to relieve the tension.

thanks props and set guys

I won’t waste your effort.

we’re all no one

I guess the good thing about emo phases is they fade. More tomorrow, maybe.

that answer will have to do for now

Conscience: “Okay, Matthew Chan. It’s SUNDAY NIGHT. Tomorrow’s school again. You can choose to complete your e-Learning and get your priorities right from NOW ON, or you can continue reading your stupid manga for who knows how long!”

Matthew: “…wait, what’s e-Learning?”

pregnant pause

I have a song from really long ago stuck in my head but I don’t know the lyrics and I don’t know the title and I’ve been Googling for quite some time, and until then it’ll be stuck in my head without a name and without proper lyrics and I shall fill it with words I think should fit with the tune. Lalala

in a bid to practice my Answering Technique

I don’t usually do blog quizzes, but I’m bored sick. Be honoured, Rich. When you’re 80 and bald you can tell your grandchildren, “I made Matthew do a blog quiz, back in 2008 in the time of the 3.5G phones!” and your grandchildren will look at you all doe-eyed and cry out, “Wow, Grandpapa! So that’s the only thing you’ve been good for in your own life, Grandpapa!”

Edit: Oh Sean actually tagged me like ages ago, but anyway Sean’s blog is NUB because of obvious reasons. Tralalala.

failreview #1

The library is a great place at 7.30pm in the evening, even if there aren’t any nice books in Bishan Library (probably never will, too). The noisy students have left, because noisy students don’t find it cool to hang around the library for too long; their presence is desired elsewhere. There are only adults who don’t have anywhere to go, and teenagers who have made the decision to study at the expense of a timely dinner.

And then there’s me. There I finished Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt.

If you haven’t read Angela’s Ashes and still intend to read the book in the near future without having anything spoiled for you, it IS a good book and you should definitely read it. The post is over for you. Same for those who don’t intend to pick up books, because I think I’d bore (and that wouldn’t do, would it).

Otherwise,