beware: burning bush

And I’ve finally decided to do filing, because I have been smitten by the Great Sword of Enlightenment. Nothing satisfies me more than never-to-be-completed to-do lists! It’s the pursuit of knowledge that matters! Et cetera. My filing is going extremely depressingly, because a few of my Lit worksheets are kinda crumpled at either end, and the rest don’t have dates on them.

I MOAN IN ABJECT DESPAIR. OH CRUEL GODS, THAT YOU WOULD GIVE ME CRUMPLED WORKSHEETS!!!111ONEONE

…once again, I don’t see why I’m not getting the sympathy I deserve.

I’m also getting new ideas for comic strips daily – you may notice I’ve been unwittingly using a little bit of comic strip humour in my posts. I’ve been throwing around these two characters in my head: Gerald and Grottle. Gerald is the nice but too philosophical for his own good; thus, he always ends up worse off than before, and much sadder for his efforts. Grottle shares his house and is darkly cynical when he’s not being downright mean or stupid. Tried and tested formula – good vs bad. Gerald could be a mouthpiece of sorts for my own thoughts, while Grottle provides the entertainment with his various evil (but inherently dumb) exploits.

Now I just have to draw some of the draft strips out, see how they look like on paper, edit them and ink them. I make it sound so easy, but if there’s one thing I believe, it’s that you don’t exactly need talent to make it big.

I mean, why do you think George Bush has lasted thus far?

smother me mother

My homework is slightly back on track, which isn’t saying much, but anyway it doesn’t really matter much, because tomorrow I’m off with the Lit class to watch Pillowman! It promises to be an eye-opener (and in any case definitely much more interesting than last year’s King Lear. I don’t think black comedy would be soporific.). My encounter with black comedy and dark humour has been limited to morbid jokes, morbid cartoons, morbid comic strips and morbid fantasies. Pillowman would be fun. Adrian Pang would make a good black comedy character – I’ve no idea why, really, his ability to remain impassive in the face of comic drama, perhaps – and Corbidge a perfect retarded brother.

That said, I don’t think I’ll like black comedy, or ever will. I know it’s usually what I think about, but that’s exactly why. Black comedy’s the Hyde in me coming out, and I don’t really want to think about it that much. I can take blood and gore and violence, but if it were juxtaposed such that it was funny at the expense of a character we had unwittingly come to emphatically with, that’d be sad.

morning salutations

My hands are freezing, my eyes are reeling, etc. At 1am one third of the class was still awake. Five remain at 2am. Speaks volumes about the inappropriate amount of homework we’ve been given (and also our lack of good time management, BUT STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT) and anyway I’ve just finished writing the script for the speech tomorrow that I only just started over an hour ago. I’m pretty proud of my speechwriting skills – I can be all rhetoric and nothing much else when called upon to do so (and often, even when I’m not been called upon to do so, but we digress again).

I wanted to do homosexuality for my two-minute speech, but figured that it’d be kinda hypocritical to, since I’m almost straight myself, and then the argument would taper off into Christianity and Creationism and mating monkeys, which is one touchy subject (especially to Uncle Bilo, though I try not to speak to it too much). So I’m doing censorship in Singapore. I’m arguing against, naturally. Which is kinda effective. If PAP minions suddenly run in and arrest me in the middle of my speech, they’d only be proving my point.

Heck, I bet my censorship speech would taper off into Christianity and Creationism and mating monkeys, anyway. THEY ALL DO.

(Sidenote: Most number of tags a post has received, thus far: 9. A clear sign that I am rambling and spamming topics to make up for my lack of coherence.)

Bob and Tim

“And YOU, my good sir, have developed a crotch mentality!”

*laughtrack*

Which doesn’t really mean anything, but it’d be a line in my sitcom, because sitcoms are cool that way: you can never stoop too low, because there’s a laughtrack. It’s like a ready appreciative audience.

Anyway, the censor guy would run in on the scene and shout, “Hey! That word’s not allowed!” but then the guys would shoot him with a shotgun and bury him under the carpet, and then a second censor would run in and spout stuff about not having blood and gore, but they’d shoot him too, and bite off his left leg and set fire to the wound. And Bob and Tim would dance round the fire and sing indie/tribal songs (what’s the difference?) (omg, I typed ‘tribade’ at first, and then I checked the dictionary). And they live happily ever after and have three kids and a dog. The End!

I’m not sure they make sitcoms that happy anymore, and also if I’m not sure I’m making any sense.

The Happy Family (sans three kids and dog)
(from right) Bob and Tim!

Guess who wears the pants in the relationship? NEITHER!

(And, uh, please, no one remind me of this post in future. Ever.)

panel of adjudge

Have I said this before? I’m a new fan of Pearls Before Swine – it’s a comic strip featuring anthropomorphic stick-figure animals. I discovered them in the library a few weeks ago. Admittedly it isn’t laugh-out-loud laughter, but I love the prevalent acerbic wit and cynicism, which makes the rare heartwarming strips all the more touching. It’s like Calvin and Hobbes really, except starker, darker and worse drawn – yet the art is secondary to the dialogue. The weaker strips can get quite slapstick – I hate the strips which is pure wordplay for the sake of it – yet the better strips are pure gold.

Newspaper comic strips appeal to me better than the oldschool Marvel superhero variety. Not all strips – I think Garfield’s a poor excuse for one – but the better ones I enjoy a lot. Maybe it’s the challenge of making punchlines work with just a few panels to work with, and that inspires me. Particularly Pearls Before Swine. It shows me that you don’t have to draw particularly well to get away with running a comic, that you can be darkly humorous without becoming too macabre.

books for smut

I was locked out today, which is quite often, because I keep leaving my keys at home when I leave for church in a hurry. Which was good. I went to the library (my sole refuge from the elements) and started reading Gulliver’s Travels. I’m making progress, but very slow, and very unenjoyable. It’s supposed to be a most ‘disturbing satire of the human condition’, but right now it’s just disturbing. But it’s a Lit text and I must read it – I wouldn’t want to do a repeat of King Lear, would I? Sparknotes and Wikipedia would never fill the void in my soul as the book itself, blah blah -

But the truth is, I hardly read anymore. There’s just no time anymore, with the Macbook and manga and marinated mashed-up meh. I used to love reading, but now there’s a new way to escape, albeit one riddled with smut and shit and sex. It’s called the Internet, and we use it for everything, learning nothing at all.

And now I just want to have a media fast for maybe a week, except that I can’t, because the Internet is everything. I get my news from it, my entertainment, my homework. It is my photo album to the world, my playlist, my window, my flute. Isn’t it worrying where everyone becomes a hyperlink on a list, a bookmark, a paint-by-numbers profile on a social networking atrium?

What purported tools of convenience we have designed have crippled us. Try leaving your phone at home for a day?

and then on mondays I’ll act gay and pimpslap you

I need a new routine, because apparently I’m now PREDICTABLE.

I’ve brought shock humour to a new low.

moomoomoomoob

Yesterday night was spent Internet-less; the router’s to blame, just like countless times before. I had intended to do up the e-learning lessons last night, but COULD NOT. So now many quizzes have expired and I can’t access them, and thusly will almost definitely get zeroes for all of them. Hoorah for the constant advance of technology! Soon our lives will be connected to the Internet, and one day my router will collapse again and I’ll just froth at the mouth and die instantly.

Also, post a comment if you’d like to purchase tickets for Army Daze – it’s on the 26th April and 27th, if I’m not wrong. The tickets aren’t out yet, but I think you’re supposed to place orders through the cast first, because there’re really really few tickets – three performances, 100 seats per performance. The place we’re performing at is seriously puny – it’ll be a totally new experience for me, definitely. Not that I’m playing a large part or anything. But you’ll get to see me in a weird costume I’ll never wear for at least two more years. It’s worth it.

(tickets are going for around $10. It’s a full-length performance!)

no free lunch@sg

After yet another run (I timed myself. It looked promising, considering my thighs were aching and the terrain was uneven. I should be able to get a B for 2.4 now, easily – but my personal target is 10.59, because being in the 10s just sounds that much more awesome than being in the 11s.), I went back home and the doorbell started to ring every second or so, which was freaky, because I opened the door three times and NO ONE WAS THERE. (seriously, was expecting at least a troupe of brazen Mas Selamats holding up paper balls with spikes attached to them, because according to the 3847235875 police reports he was last seen in a cloning machine with a paper ball)

The doorbell was spoilt. And it was pissing me off. A bath, a curt SMS to Mom (doorbell spoilt, irritating, going somewhere to do work) and I left.

And that’s why I’m here, the McDonalds along Ave 6, armed with but my trusty MacBook and a few cans of tuna and solid fuel. I’ve signed up for a Wireless@SG account. There are ads lining the bottom of my window now, but it’s okay, because Internet is priceless.

And if I have dinner at Macs, I would have had breakfast, lunch and dinner at Macs today. Freaky.

Tomfoolery

I KNOW I shouldn’t be mean OR be blogging, but this one was fairly blogworthy.

Cast (in order of appearance):
Benjamin Ng
Me

March hols says: (1:35:43 PM)
hi moot
the very best talents came to town says: (1:35:49 PM)
yo
March hols says: (1:36:02 PM)
u are matthew chan rite??
March hols says: (1:36:12 PM)
i thought i talked ti the wrong guy

Let’s confuse him a little.

the very best talents came to town says: (1:36:12 PM)
who’s that
March hols says: (1:36:14 PM)
to
the very best talents came to town says: (1:36:29 PM)
who’s matthew chan
March hols says: (1:36:40 PM)
huh…
the very best talents came to town says: (1:36:51 PM)
ure ben ng rite
March hols says: (1:37:04 PM)
ya…
the very best talents came to town says: (1:37:07 PM)
de tall 1

I just had to say that.

March hols says: (1:37:14 PM)
did  i juz get the wrong guy…?
March hols says: (1:37:26 PM)
oh nvm
the very best talents came to town says: (1:37:31 PM)
huh
March hols says: (1:37:33 PM)
is there a lit quiz??
the very best talents came to town says: (1:37:34 PM)
ben ng wat
March hols says: (1:37:39 PM)
ya
the very best talents came to town says: (1:37:46 PM)
im matthew
the very best talents came to town says: (1:38:01 PM)
u added mi 2 yr ago
March hols says: (1:38:09 PM)
oh…
March hols says: (1:38:11 PM)
i did
March hols says: (1:38:12 PM)
sry

Ha! I’ve just implanted a false memory in him!

the very best talents came to town says: (1:38:19 PM)
wat is lit
March hols says: (1:38:28 PM)
literature???
the very best talents came to town says: (1:38:36 PM)
u take lit ah
March hols says: (1:38:38 PM)
u have a quiz i assume??
the very best talents came to town says: (1:38:40 PM)
o, u ri-kia right
the very best talents came to town says: (1:38:52 PM)
i dun take lit
March hols says: (1:38:52 PM)
ok hi moot

My cover was blown…

the very best talents came to town says: (1:39:03 PM)
?
the very best talents came to town says: (1:39:04 PM)
moot?
March hols says: (1:39:44 PM)
erm…u are matthew chan rite???

…or was it?

the very best talents came to town says: (1:39:55 PM)
uh no?
the very best talents came to town says: (1:40:03 PM)
matthew chong
the very best talents came to town says: (1:40:08 PM)
-.=”
the very best talents came to town says: (1:40:25 PM)
wtf is matthew chan
March hols says: (1:40:56 PM)
but i dun know a matthew chong…
the very best talents came to town says: (1:41:11 PM)
u added mi 2 yr ago wat
the very best talents came to town says: (1:41:16 PM)
den nvr tok 2 me
the very best talents came to town says: (1:41:40 PM)
i frm ur pri sch rem?…

It was a gambit. I was tired of this, anyway.

March hols says: (1:41:56 PM)
shaddap matthew chan..
March hols says: (1:42:04 PM)
i dun have a matthew im pri sch
the very best talents came to town says: (1:42:10 PM)
oh
the very best talents came to town says: (1:42:11 PM)
damnit
March hols says: (1:42:13 PM)
so pointless to trick me
March hols says: (1:42:14 PM)
:)

So that’s that.

March hols says: (1:42:22 PM)
wad does lit ra do??
March hols says: (1:42:28 PM)
for elearning
the very best talents came to town says: (1:43:28 PM)
we’re doing parody now
the very best talents came to town says: (1:43:34 PM)
gullible travels
the very best talents came to town says: (1:44:08 PM)
and The Importance Of Being Baldrick
March hols says: (1:44:33 PM)
really?/

I still win the game.