with my expertise on ch8 tv drama shows, i deem fit to release this, um, previously unreleased Guide to Channel 8 TV Show Cliches (GtC8TVS)! the repetitions of these phrases have reached a point when i HAVE to, um, POINT it out (pun SERIOUSLY unintended, i only noticed it later)

TOP CLICHE #1 (which is actually a tautology since top means 1)
something bad happens
A: It’s all my fault! If I had/hadn’t…
EITHER:
B: No, it was nobody’s fault. Nobody wanted this to happen. (pats A on the head or shoulder)
A looks at B with a grateful look.
OR:
B: No, it’s my fault. If I had/hadn’t…
A: No, it was nobody’s fault. Nobody wanted this to happen. (pats B on the head or shoulder)
B looks at A with a grateful look.
[the scene is ended with both of them consoling each other or sitting together looking blankly in front. it is possible for other people to stand around consoling one another and/or looking at the two people with concern.]

TOP runner-up CLICHE #2 (i rest my case)
at the hospital. some patient wakes up. nurse happens to walk in. ALL THE TIME.
Patient: Where am I?/Where is this place?
Nurse: You are in the hospital.

#3
We’re just ordinary friends.

Four
someone meets another person
Oh, it’s you.

5
Subtitles: Lilian Sim

i will continue this in a later post.

(watching so many chinese dramas you’d think my chinese was good!)

man i’m only 3/4 unpacked and not making any more progress.

and i’m busy mapling so there’s no more time for blogggg.

hard luck guys. send in those true singapore ghost stories ideas! and i forgot mr midnight..

i was bored so i decided to get started on the S’pore True Ghost Stories story to get famous. (btw there’s a post below)

hi Russell! have you heard of or seen Little Folk before? i didn’t use to believe in the supernatural, but that ended on a football pitch about two months ago.

i was playing football on the football field (which was quite a clever thing to do). after awhile my friends left and i was alone practicing free kicks in that injury-prone David Beckham stance. on one attempt, i tripped and fell onto the grass.

i was about to get up when i heard a little voice whisper in my ear -

what shall the little voice say? hmmmm…. note the clever use of “Hi Russell!” which practically screams out “i’m your friend, damnit! believe all the crap that i say!” and how the speaker gets “left alone” conveniently to have that encounter.

whatever. maple is screwy. shall try again tmr. (i’m starting to use what is referred to as “sms-speak”. pish tosh, that’s so lower echelon of society. shall try to change.)

shall try to upload montage photos tomorrow. they’re not what you call conventional scenery photos… i just have my wild artist mood swings. as in, one moment i try to snap people because scenery is boring (and also i’m going to try to use those pics to do a comic, since i managed to snap pictures of Isaac’s fat butt and him sleeping in the back of the bus, AND pics of abel/kenneth etc), and the other moment i try to take scenery but stop because there are too many ugly sec twos in the picture. also, i screwed up and my cam ran out of batt on the SECOND DAY. as kevin (who had “Kelvin” written on his name tag instead, funny!) would say, “Well done, Matthew!” never mind. scenery you can get on Tourism Malaysia websites.

i’m feeling lame. the flies/mosquitoes of msia must’ave taken too much blood from me.

i am so sleepy! must be jet lag i presume, HAHAA. shall report my exploits and endeavours tmr. meanwhile, shall atttempt to play some maple following the ludibrium patch.

i missed everyone too (inserts girly emoticon variation of a smiley).

the past two days were shopping days for parents… so i left myself out and went to kino (which i prefer over borders since it’s jap! and there’re comics..) heh i relieved nostalgic times by reading Archie. come to think abt it it’s pretty lame. they should talk about other sports other than stupid baseball. and why would anyone dig a carrothead? the only thing good it seems is jughead! he’s smart and aloof! killer combination!

then i went to the children’s section, which was packed with stupid children (there was this weird chinese boy with a foreign accent who slammed down his books on the floor and said loudly, “Books are treasure!” eew. i think he’s possessed. can’t believe i was ANYTHING like him when i was young. now i’m just a computer addict. so my father says.)

[still remember the "good ol' days" when i went to kino and read Pokemon. can't find it anymore! gutted.]

hmph. what lowlife immature children i thought. i was like, so above reading THOSE kinds of kiddy books! so i contented with reading Russell Lee’s True Singapore Ghost Stories #13. this 60 plus guy wrote in about his making some pact to sell his soul to the devil in exchange for money… whatever. that is so cliche. i call this kind of people unemployed and super free.

(i shall fabricate a ghost story and send it in to Russell Lee! if he publishes it i can safely say that book is full of crap)

then yesterday my parents went to robinsons (i don’t understand the sale thing. Great Singapore Sale is supposed to be in june? but another sale like ended yesterday?) and i went to the kids floor.

the main attraction was this two yoyo promoters. [zomg a yoyo these days costs $18.90! apparently this one has the ability to set according to your ability. wow.] they were doing tricks and there were a few kids trying to ape them. including this guy in a VERY colourful Finding Nemo shirt, which i shall dub Nemo.

so Nemo and this other very short and fat guy had a competition. there’re like 10 official tricks for the challenge with hippy names like “Rock the Baby” and “Around the World”. Nemo lost badly and kept blaming it on the yoyo being jammed. he talked very loudly and used Hokkien expletives in random junctures. hate those kind of people.’

all in all. damn boring days. didn’t even get to use the comp. today my mom promised me unlimited comp since i’m going for the stupid montage, which would have been fun if i had a single friend in that group but all i have is BRYAN TSUI, ISAAC and ASSORTED MUTE MAINSTREAMS. (cool. mute mainstreams. alliteration.)

it’s going to be a long week.

PS. i have this song stuck in my head. gahh.

trust and obey,
for there’s no other way
to be happy in Jesus,
but to trust and obey

Repeat until satisfied. such a catchy tune! it even rhymes!

PPS. mann robert langdon looks like crap in the dVC movie. and after a Life! review abt it i don’t think i wanna watch anymore. like Harry Potter, the movie can’t be as good as the book.

happy birthday mom! yesterday.

today we went out for steamboat (NOT at air-con hotel restaurant so stop bugging me!)! usually it’s one of those affairs when we eat till we, um, drop, and i start resembling a Buddha (uh oh, religional prejudice…)’s Belly (cool! alliteration).

OH YAH BY THE WAY i saw this sign at the restaurant which was FUNNY! it read something like “Wastage of food will be fine.” geddit?? fine! and fine! HAHA that can make those lists of engrish.com or whatever.

so after we ate till we dropped, and i started to resemble a Buddha’s Belly, we went home.

among unrelated matters, barcelona won teh champions cup! woot! i guess there will be controversy over THIS one since the goalie got sent off. man, if wenger was mourinho there would be hell… we’d never hear the end of whining over bad ref decisions.

wow! i got 87 for history! can’t believe it. my current GPA is 3.2! WOAH… my stupid english. i got like 78! it’s no fair! the CT marks were screwed for everyone! i calculated tht if they moderate so i get 23/30 i will get a 4.0! kool! (say, that’s a nice word.)

do you guys like to write apology letters after exam results? just copy and paste this, you should be fine. you could even avoid pulling off an Abel (who got “permanent-banned” from the comp cos he got 1.2 for math. funny!)

Dear [insert affectionate term for mother]

I know you are feeling depressed over my marks. I know that you think that I can do much better, and I am sorry that I spent too much time on DotA and chatting to unknown chatbots (such as smarterchild@hotmail.com, he is sooooo irritating) on MSN.

I promise that I will do much better next semester! I know you and [insert affectionate term for father] are skeptical about my determination and resolve, but I believe in having results speak for themselves.

Please don’t worry too much about my results!

One thing good about this is that you can reuse it after next semester’s results.

short post.

i got new specs! i hate to talk about that..

i’m swimming for the swim carn stupid relay. which we’re going to lose anyway. i mean, come on, when they have to pick people like ME to race for the house they have to be pretty despo huh? i wouldn’t even make top 10 swimmers in any other house.

but the ONLY club swimmer in hullett happens to be this FAT and the LOUSIEST club swimmer from 2H… and the fastest swimmers are no longer swimmers, such as ZM, who’s in track and field fod some weird reason. and Pay probably can’t swim for awhile, so.. hard luck for us!

i tried to pon swim carn on thurs but it rained and they fricking postponed it till tmr! gahh. i want to skip it…

i’ve decided that what others think of me ain’t matter. i’ll be judged differently by another person anw in afterlife. i’m not scared of being embarrassed or ashamed of…

revealing the truth behind how me, the rightful Russian crown prince, got shut up and deported to Singapore (it comes next post! or the post after, no idea.)

i’ve been playing too much my eyes hurt. but it’s all paying off – i’m soon going to turn that ‘2′ in that corner that states lvl into a ‘3′! (amazing how cute MMORPGs take up so much of your time. esp when it’s not even THAT fun.)

BTW BTW zomgwtf the latest mrbrown podcast is KILLING ME, IT’S SO FUNNY!! imo, better than bah chor mee, since it covers more topics than just gomez, but takes everything in a school analogy, etc. so funny. watch

i’ve decided to make this blog famous. the only way to make this blog famous is: 1) be funny, 2) be really insightful, 3) be controversial.

i have no choice!

so you, readers, are going to help me pick the controversial persona that will propel me to international acclaim! i already have some suggestions:
- gay boy. with someone called Jem Finch (matthewandjem.blogspot.com shouldn’t be taken yet)
- a 22 year old female law student who says loads of f-words and does lots of photoshop on her images in her blog but still gets fans. note: i’m not good in the photoshop part, just the f-word part. and i don’t take photos that often too.
- suicidal guy (um, 56 suicide attempts so far)
- Russian illegitimate prince who has claims to the throne but is secretly being oppressed and kept in Singapore
- anti-PAP terrorist
- boy who has undergone plastic surgery in 88.5% of his body. um, he used to be a girl, too.
- some guy who claims to be the descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene

blah. i’m feeling crappy. and please don’t sue me PAP!

so sad… brent decided to start mapling again, so i have to return his super mage stuff and actually go get my OWN. gutted. i shan’t bore you with my maple trading exploits, except that i got a (drums rolling) good deal! woot!

wow. gmail has a calendar now. cool. but frankly gmail sucks other than an archiving mail function! i would switch to yahoo if it weren’t so inconvenient. when you report spam it doesn’t enter the non-existent blacklist of spam emails, so it always appears in your inbox unless you set a filter to every single spam. it NEVER clears trash. etc etc. i think gmail’s main aim was just to beat hotmail, and when they did tht they stopped developing anything other than storage space. gahh. the calendar looks pretty okay though.

yesterday night was swell! mom and dad went to some friends’ gathering and my sis went out so i had a great time on the comp! same for now: parents went out to buy stuff, and my sis, um, went out again! haha i hate it when they breathe down my neck and suddenly start finding things for me to do or look at me in tht “this guy is hopeless, a game addict” kinda look, which they always give. hmph.

i shall now talk about how to choose a character name (applies to any game, really). since i’m bored and i note with amusement many names.

bases for your name:
-your own name
-game related stuff, like ‘mushroom’ or ‘maple’ (danger: common)
-job related stuff. warriors choose um, Warrior or something
-random weird names from random weird books/manga to prove your literacy

cool topics for your name!:
-heart
-soul (HOT FAVOURITE!)
-angst (aww, so cute)
-fire
-cool
-victory (bla bla, did you see my msia montage post?)
-girl [i've seen this word in many female characters' names. gee.]

add stuff:
-”borders” such as xX[name]Xx or oO[name]Oo or I[name]I to prove your, um, coolness. i mean, X! kool!
-small L and capital I to be used interchangeably (in maple, they appear the same.. leading to much confusion)
-leetspeak versions of words. 0 for O etc.
-numbers! at the end.

me? i loathe numbers and those xX thingies. it’s supposed to be a name afterall… i try to uncover english words that weren’t picked. my cleric was named ‘lived’ in an unfortunate incident that stemmed from me getting drunk or something. but my archer’s ‘tenacity’ is quite a nice name. plus ‘moltensoul’, my thief: such an act-cool name!

oh, and don’t forget ‘lordpooter’, my first major character! back in the old days when i was so kiddish. (it was so fun when people called me ‘lord’) hehe, i am more sophisicated now! whee!

i’m blogging in reluctance. i was playing maple hardcore today, gained a level! woot! (or as other people are inclined to say, zai or <3 or other funny strings of characters that are supposed to depict random human organs)

my elder sis gave me this: http://www.cupped-expressions.net/cheese/quiz (hmm, abel would like this quiz) i was mozzarella! sounds cool and common.

nerd-spot: read jeffrey archer’s ‘not a penny more, not a penny less’. compared to his other books, quite short, but interesting, bla bla. but not tht well developed. ah well. at least there’s no sex in this one.

wicked progress (which i guess you all think is nerd too, you shallow hippies!): 12 and 6 for junior. i played maple whole day (or at least the time that i COULD play) so i didn’t attempt to solve any. hmph. shallow old me.

i wonder if it’s blasphemous to create your own religion in jest… Abel created Pizzaism, that git. maybe i shall invent a new book called the Gnostic Bible! pretty sums it all up huh.

i think what i’ll look forward most in m’sia is teh pirated stuff just lying out there! that is closely followed by the food (though i don’t really fancy steamboat, rather have dimsum or something, hah). i think i shall starve myself on alternate days to maximise my eating potential.

i read in the papers today abt some Satanic Verses book. apparently it’s offending to Muslims, and is something like dVC. no offence, but the title sounds pretty funny! haha, it’s a novel. i thought it was like comprising weird chants and dances… then i went to wiki it. basically some quest story. booooring. (weird chants and dances will sell better)

All I want for Christmas is DA VINCI CODE. If not I’ll make a trip down to Msia in maybe September and get the pirated one. Muhahaha!